The FFF Inquisition Pamphlet
by demigod39cluesfan
Summary: Akihisa picks up a paper in Class 2-F. Little does he know that it may cost his life... FFF Inquisition style. Edition Two now out.
1. Edition One

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

Akihisa picked up the pamphlet off the floor. "What is this?" He wondered and began reading.

**The FFF Inquisition**

"_**Forever alones don't have to be forever alone."**_

_**FFF Motto**_

The FFF Inquisition is a non-profit organization dedicated to keeping others from achieving their happiness. If you are popular, but girls don't seem to realize it, than the FFF Inquisition is for you! Contact Sugawa Ryo in Class 2-F for further details.

**Currently Wanted by the FFF**

If you have any information on the following heretics, please contact Kondou-kun in Class 2-F.

**YOSHII AKIHISA:**

**Class 2-F. Wanted for repeated contact with females and flirting with them. This is his thirteenth offense. Punishment: Burned at the stakes, with the occasional knife thrown at his head.**

**SAKAMOTO YUUJI:**

**Class 2-F. Wanted for attempted marriage and watching movies with a beautiful female. Punishment: One Potassium Cyanide bomb shoved down his throat per movie.**

**Be on the lookout for these traitors. Attack on sight.**

_Muttsurini Co. _

_A proud sponsor of the FFF, Muttsurini Co. offers an extensive selection of photos of the female of your choice. Be it from a low angle or a cute angle, they have them all._

_Contact Tsychiya Kouta from Class 2-F for details._

**Sugawa Ryo's "Get the Girl" Plan**

Step 1- Confess to the girl

Step 2-If you won her love, die with happiness.

Step 3- If rejected, stop anyone else from near her. And kill those who got their happiness.

"What… did I just read?"

Akihisa's hands trembled as he held the pamphlet. They had a newspaper now?

"Akihisa-kun, who are these females you were flirting with?"

"Yeah, Aki, please tell us."

Two oddly familiar killing intents appeared behind Akihisa. He cringed, and slowly turned around. Clutched in both girls' hands were similar pamphlets to his.

"Um, no one?" He said weakly.

"Wrong answer!" Minami growled, bending Akihisa's spine.

"AGH MY BACK!"

"…Yuuji."

"Sh-Shouko, its not what you think-!" ZZT~

"_REPORT! BOTH HERETICS ARE IN THE CLASSROOM!"_

"_GET THEM!"_

"_DIE!"_

""Split up!"" Yuuji and Akihisa screamed.

"…Yuuji. You won't get away."

"Say your prayers, Aki."

And that is how a simple newspaper shortened the lives of our heroes.

** This was a random idea formed into a story. Reviews are appreciated!**


	2. Edition Two

_Edition #2_

_Disclaimer: I don't own BakaTest._

Yoshii Akihisa walked down the hallway, feeling sore all over. Stupid FFF Inquisition and their pamphlet. The girls weren't so happy with him now.

He glanced to his left. And froze. Eh? What was that, hanging on the wall? He glanced closely at the title.

**The FFF Inquisition 2****nd**** Edition**

"Th-Those idiots! Why?!" Akihisa yelled. Desperately, he started reading the content.

**Deathlist**

**Those who have deserved the ultimate punishment this week are:**

_**YOSHII AKIHISA- Went out for crepes and movies with, not one, but TWO girls. DEATH BY RAZORS.**_

_**SAKAMOTO YUUJI- Had a pretty girl say "I love you" and "Marry me." DEATH BY SCYTHES.**_

_**TSYCHIYA KOUTA- A girl said very pervy things to him, causing him to get a nosebleed. Normally, this would be okay, but in the process of falling to the floor, he saw the treasures under the skirt. How unfair! DEATH BY SWORDS.**_

**If you find any of these idiots, please send them to Class 2-F for their executions.**

**News This Week!**

_**-Only ten heretics found in the FFF!**_

_**-Sugawa's chemistry grade went up one point!**_

_**-Muttsurini Company had twenty new pictures!**_

_**-A girl actually got within ten feet of Sugawa!**_

**Top Five Girls to Approach if You Want to be Executed!**

Kinoshita Hideyoshi

Kirishima Shouko

Himeji Mizuki

Kudou Aiko

Kinoshita Yuuko

**Our Number One Article This Week Is…**

_**Sugawa Ryo's "How To Be Popular" Article**_

"_Being too popular myself, it seems fair to try to share some of it with the rest of then school…"_

(The rest has been omitted due to many editors throwing up after reading.)

**That's all for now! Have a good week!**

"What… did I ever to do them…?" Akihisa trembled. He ripped the paper off the wall, and frantically looked around. There were hundreds of the little white papers, on the wall, on the floor.

Behind him, Akihisa heard someone stiffen and gasp. He turned around to see his bad friend, Sakamoto Yuuji, gaping at one of the little papers. He started ripping them off as well, murmuring "I hate them, I hate them…"

A blinding flash rocketed past them both. Akihisa spun around, only to see the back of his disappearing friend, Tsychiya Kouta, A.K.A. Muttsurini. In the small look Akihisa had gotten, he had seen a handful of papers. Muttsurini must have been taking them down as well, and using his superior speed to do it.

But, alas, the three of them just weren't enough.

"_Oh, ho, apparently those three still have the guts to come to school."_

"_They are idiots, after all. Good thing I sharpened my knives this morning."_

"_Have you three said your prayers?"_

Over in another classroom, another scary conversation was heard.

"_Hideyoshi, do you mind telling me why you came before me in the contest, even though you're a boy?" _A sickly sweet voice said.

"_A-Ane-ue, it, it's not like that! Please don't twist my arm that way…"_

Akihisa gulped. They were all screwed.


End file.
